Don't Hate The Mirror, It's YOUR Reflection

Yeah, you heard right. As you've probably heard me say in other sections; after a certain amount of time in a relationship, your mate becomes a reflection of you.


For example, FELLAS if your chick naggs when you go out, don't LIE about going out. That's the quick fix. But then 5 years later, you're still having the same fights everytime you want to go out with the boys. This is because instead of going through the fussing phase and making her get used to you hanging out (every now and then), you led her to believe that her man doesn't go out to clubs, bars, etc. If that's you, that's YOU and don't lie to avoid an arguement; That's WEAK. Plus, if she finds out through a friend who also happened to be at that club, that you were there; your trust is out the window AND it makes it look like you were up to somethin even if you were just having innocent fun.

And LADIES, by this time i know you're probably waiting on a ring. And if you don't get one, you complain about the man not wanting to commit. But by the time 5 years rolls around, you're cleaning, cooking, living together, having sex and the whole 9. You're pretty much doing EVERYTHING he would expect you to do as his wife, without you actually having the title. Therefore, why would he go out and spend money on a ring, only to turn around and spend more money on a wedding. There's really no upside to that, for him. The person he is in the relationship is now a reflection of the woman you've been in the relationship.

Those are just a couple of small examples. But everything you do along the course of your relationship molds the person you're with. If you cheat on your mate, and they take you back; your going to have to deal with the trust issues that YOU brought into the relationship. Don't complain and say stop bringing it up, because though I've never been cheated on (not to my knowledge), I'm sure it's not that easy. You just have to deal with it until the pain is gone. If you get caught in a lie, yes you're liable to have your phone checked while you're asleep. That doesn't make your mate jealous, thats just a reaction to something YOU did.

Naturally, people tend to blame others for everything. That's just how people work. But in a relationship, the first couple of years are spent learning each other and molding to each other. After that, chances are any problems found in your mate can PROBABLY be linked to you. It's YOUR reflection, so don't hate the mirror if you don't like what you see! =)

Jealousy, Insecurity, And Trust

Let's see, how do I start this one? Okay, a lot of the time, problems in the relationship get blamed on the other person. It's either, "She's jealous" or "He doesn't trust me" or "She is insecure", etc. While these personality traits can be a problem and should most definitely be worked on by person guilty of that behavior, once you're in love with the person, it becomes your problem too. Therefore, there are only 2 ways to address the situation. If you feel like it's too much for you to handle, you leave. If you're going to stay, you may as well embrace it, demonstrate patience, and do your best to help them work on that problem. If not for them, do it for you or there will be no peace!lol A lot of the time this means going out of your way, but it's worth it in the end.

For example, If your mate is insecure, it's easy to point that out. But as that person's partner, you should go the extra mile to make that person feel more secure. Men, compliment your woman. Not only that, but make her FEEL beautiful. Control your eyes when you're with her. She should be able to be in a room full of BEYONCE'S and KNOW that she not in competition with any of them for your attention. The more time you put into building her up and assuring her that there's no one you would rather be with, the less you will have to deal with the JEALOUSY. Plus, a confident mate makes for better sex (when your married of course,lol). I'm using women in the examples, but it goes for both males and females.

Another one is Trust. Fellas, you remember when we were in school and you had some teachers who said "you start out with an 'A' and it's up to you to keep that 'A'?" Now you remember EVERY teacher didn't run that same program. The same goes with women (or men). With some, you get to start out with their trust, and it's up to you to keep it. As long as you don't mess up, you're good. But with other female, their trust has to be earned straight out the gate and you're either up to the task or you leave if you're not trying to mess with it. Whether the trust issues stem from a past relationship, or they just come with the person, your best bet is to go out of your way to make her feel like she can trust you. First off, if your woman can't answer your phone or pick it up and look at it if she pleases, you DO NOT have any room to complain about her not trusting you. How bout the next time your phone rings, you ask her to answer it for you. Or maybe check your myspace or facebook in front of her every now and then. Be open. If that doesn't work, just do like my girl did me and prove them wrong everytime they accuse you. Once they've been wrong a million times in a row, they'll start to just shake those thoughts out of their head and ignore them like they should have done in the first place. No one like to feel stupid after making a big deal and getting all worked up over nothing.

NOW FOR THE OTHER SIDE

If you know your jealous or you know your insecure, start by first admitting it to yourself. Next, you have to communicate with your mate. Let them know your insecurities, and why it is that you have those jealous feelings. You can't just let them see the anger through your jealous reactions, because then, instead of trying to understand why you feel that way, they're going get on the defense and it will only lead to a fight. No effective communicating will get done that way.

Also, If you have trust issues, admit to yourself that you have trust issues and that everything is not actually as suspect as you think it is. You have to communicate with your mate, and let them know why you may have those trust issues. Once your blowing up at them, it's too late because rather than them trying to feel where you're coming from, they're going to blow back up at you because that's just what we do. Your going to have to learn to start taking L's. You have to pick what thought to entertain and what thoughts go in your "Trippin" box. Trust me, once you start getting past those jealous thoughts, you will cut your stress in half and you will have more peace and joy in your life.

In conclusion,when you're actually in a serious relationship, in love, or married............one person's problem becomes both of your problem and rather than just pointing out that problem, do what you can to be a part of the solution.

Us Men And Our Pride

Well.............once again THE FELLAS proved my point. I wrote the first blog for the fellas to peep game, and work on what they needed to work on and all I got was female responses.(shout out to the 2 1/2 guys that manned up and showed love.lol) Not complaining, because I love you ladies; BUT it shows your willingness to work on you and try to be better or to LISTEN if nothing else. While  us MEN are filled with so much pride that we are so sure we know all we need to know about women, and we don't need to listen to no other man or even female at that. Really, if a guy took the time to read your replies and comments, they would learn something solely from that. Don't get it twisted though ladies because my comments from you did decrease on that second blog when I was gettin on yall, compared to when I was gettin on the fellas.lol

Alright, NOW FOR THE TOPIC of this blog.............US MEN AND OUR PRIDE. Yeah, I can talk about it, because Pride is something I'm working on myself right now in my walk with The LORD. But I'm about to talk about it as it pertains to relationships. For 1, PRIDE and LOVE don't work together. PROOF? Half the time your PRIDE is what keeps you from admitting you love a chick in the first place. It's not easy to do, but we have shake this pride thing man. Pride will keep you from doing something for your woman that you know good and well she deserves, because you don't want to feel like your "TRICKING". First off, tricking has nothing to do with WHAT YOU DO; it's WHY YOU DO IT that makes you a trick. If you have a good woman, don't let pride keep you from buying her stuff and doing nice things for her because naturally, a good woman makes you WANT to do for her. ESPECIALLY when you know she bends over backwards for you. Even THE BIBLE says, never withhold good from someone deserving, when it's in your power to do so. And why would you? And getting rid of pride will cause you to stop worrying about what your friends will say. I mean, LET'S BE HONEST................most of the cats we surround ourselves with are playas, and deal with "HOES" on the daily. THEREFORE you take that info and you apply it to "HOES". If you take what applies to hoes, and use it toward a GOOD WOMAN, you're depreciating the value of your good one. EXAMPLE: If you start treating your Bentley like a Civic, and not taking care of it the way a Bentley's supposed to be taken care of, eventually your Bentley’s going start driving like a Civic. And your neglect for that Bentley will show both in its appearance and performance. IN OTHER WORDS, if you have a GOOD WOMAN, you start taking advice from a GOOD MAN! And any good man will tell you like I tell my friends all the time; "FORGET what me and the guys are going to think, and do you". At the end of the day you marry a woman and the 2 of you become one flesh as it says in the Bible. ONE FLESH...............that means bump your pride and what your friends say because no one will be closer to you than your WIFE. Don't get me wrong, friends are good but any man in a REAL RELATIONSHIP whether they admit it or not, knows your chick becomes your best friend. It's just a certain level of closeness a chick can get to dat a guy can't. That's just how God made it.

So here's the RECAP, let the pride go FELLAS. Yeah, THERE ARE some chicks out here that aren't about anything. But a lot of the times your chick is a reflection of you, and they just may have dealt with some guy that wasn't about anything. And you can only treat a 10 like a 7 so long, before she starts looking, feeling, and acting like a 7. Either that or she bounces because she's been treated like a 10 before and knows what she deserves. If you have a GOOD WOMAN, pride will make you NOT tell her you love her in front of certain people. Pride will make you not do things for her that you know she deserves, only because of what someone will say or think. Pride will make you not call first and apologize when you know you were dead wrong. It will cause you to lose a good thing and be too prideful to call, and/or do whatever it takes to get it back. And half the time, you do...................you just front in front of the fellas like you don't care.lol THIS IS A HARD ONE, but pride will cause you to know you had a good woman, who just made a mistake; and not take her back because of what people will think or say. Your pride will make you an 80% MAN and cause you to withhold that other 20% from your chick when you know good and well she deserves 100% from you. And if you're reading this and you think I'm on some SIMP $#@!, this whole Blog just went over your head. Either that, or IT'S JUST YOUR PRIDE SPEAKING AGAIN! =)

Selfish Women, 20% Men, And Honeymoon Periods

Alright first off, just so there's no misunderstanding about the last blog, it DOES NOT excuse you ladies from the fact that you cheated, if that is the action you choose to take about your situation. Because that only comes from SELFISHNESS and/or WEAKNESS. If you are a real woman and know that you’re not happy in a situation, you ALWAYS have the option to JUST LEAVE and keep your integrity. That's what you’re supposed to do. Because whether or not you feel you have a good reason to cheat, at the end of the day it still makes you a CHEATER. BETTER EXAMPLE: The Bible says, if you’re married and have an AFFAIR, it makes you an ADULTERER. There's nothing ANOTHER PERSON can do, to change YOUR ACTIONS from being ADULTERESS. So you can't let a bad man turn you into a bad woman. Or you will become everything you despise in a man that cheats. If you don’t like the situation, BOUNCE. Don't wait until you meet that safety net guy, and monkey bar over to him, because that's just showing WEAKNESS, and that you’re scared to face that in-between period. Either that, or your weakness in yielding to physical temptation. No more boyfriend #2's!!! =)

NOW FOR THE REAL TOPIC............a LOT of yall are just plain SELFISH! You mess wit that second guy to meet a need you feel is not being met at home. And half of the time it's SEX or MATERIAL THINGS(THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG,LOL) Or you just have SO MANY DAMN NEEDS that you don't take the time out to realize how many of them your man IS meeting you unappreciative heffas!lol Some of you actually have GOOD DUDES at home, but your so stuck on that "HONEYMOON PERIOD" from when you first got together, that all you see is that things aint how they used to be. And there's nothing a man can do to bring back the honeymoon period, that's going to die. Your going to run out of stuff to talk about because you'll know everything about each other, so the conversation will be reduced to what happened "TODAY". Even if HE DID keep sending flowers they would affect you less each time you got them because eventually you become desensitized and stop appreciating it the same. FOR EXAMPLE ladies, if a man kisses you on your neck, doesn't it feel nice? But if he kisses that same spot for 20 minutes, it won’t feel the same at the end as it did when he first started. You want him to move around. YET, you're not realizing that he just sat there for 20 min. doing something HE THOUGHT you liked. AND THAT'S HOW YALL'S DAMN NEEDS ARE.LOL Cuz eventually a guy will run out of places to kiss metaphorically speaking. In other words he will run out of ways to please you AND GIVE UP because you're NEVER SATISFIED, And don’t appreciate the things HE IS doing to satisfy you. You can have 50 needs (well actually 30 of those are wants if you’re spoiled) and if a guy meets 40 of them, you will find a guy to meet the other 10. JUST SELFISH! And the sad part is that it takes you messing with lesser man for you to realize that all he'll ever be able to do is meet those 10 needs. AGAIN, u got your 80% man at home, and you cheat with the 20% dude who tells you what you want to hear, like us men do. FOR EXAMPLE you see other people’s babies and you pick them up and say how cute and put them down and go home, and all of a sudden you want kinds of your own. But when you have YOUR OWN and you have to deal, day in and day out, it aint as cute. SAME GOES for da 20% man. He doesn't have to deal with your attitudes, complaints, or demands all day everyday. Life's easy for him. He gets to spend 2 hours with you, get some booty, take you home, and go chill with his friends while your man gets fussed at for trying to spend 2 hours with his friends, and gets no booty because you're not in the mood. Now, that I think about it, yall are some COLD CREATURES!lol

FINAL THOUGHT..............The honeymoon period WILL END! Don't mistake that for your dude changing because you're going to put yourself through a WHOLE LOT of emotional drama by involving someone else in your relationship. You'll go through the honeymoon period with him, and then what? You'll always get the butterflies with the NEW GUY because he's the new guy. Don’t fall into the "He makes me feel the way you used to" trick that your emotions play on you. And quit being SELFISH and appreciate the man you have. If he let's you get your way MOST of the time, please don't fight him on the couple times he doesn't or that he expresses his wants and they don’t match yours. When you LOVE SOMEONE, sometimes you put your wants on the backburner, because making your partner happy becomes a want in itself. That goes for BOTH SEXES, so don’t' let anybody twist my words to manipulate you because guys do that, but that's another blog too. I know this one was long, and I STILL left some stuff out.lol

The whole blog may not speak for you, but admit to yourself what's real and take the things in here that do apply to you, and apply it to your relationship!!!

Just Listen To Her

Fellas, I know a lot of the time it seems like your woman is nagging. You want the solution? JUST LISTEN TO HER!lol For 1, if you're not listening, she can tell and 50% of the argument will be about you not listening. 2, If she's nagging or complaining about something there's obviously somethin that SHE feels is important enough that it needs to be addressed. (try to make it make it more important to YOU) She's expressing her FEELINGS, but she MAY BE just communicating it in a way that makes NO SENSE to you because she's being EMOTIONAL, and we're more LOGICAL of course. When this happens, you have to take the time and look past what SHE'S SAYING, and see what SHE MEANS. And if you care enough about your relationship, you'll work on whatever it is that's making her unhappy. Even if you aren't fully successful, she'll appreciate you trying to work on the problem.

NOW IF U DONT listen, you'll form a wall that blocks out everything she is saying and it will all go into the NAGGING BOX. And you wont even know the issues or problems in your relationship until the end, and i GUARANTEE YOU that all the issues that caused you to lose your woman will be in that NAGGING BOX chillin. lol

IT GETS WORSE.........because you not listening will only make it that much EASIER FOR THE NEXT guy. Why? Because he doesn't have to be the 100% MAN that you had to be to get her. He just has to supply that 20% that you're not. And you know how he's gonna do that? He's gonna LISTEN!!!! And she's gonna tell him all the stuff you do wrong, that u didn't wanna listen to when she told YOU. So he's gonna know EVERYTHING NOT TO DO. And he's gonna play his roll and be that 20% MAN that when put together with your 80% gives her the full 100% she feels she deserves. Say HI TO BOYFRIEND #2.

And finally, the sad part is..............she''ll regret it. Because eventually she'll see the 20% in him. You'll still love her, no matter how hard you try to act about it. Feelings don't go away like that. So she'll love you and not have you, and you'll love her, but your pride wont let you be with her, and your relationship will go down the drain. So, the easiest thing to do would be....................JUST LISTEN TO HER!!!

You Catch What You Fish For

Alright, this one's for all of us that spend so much time complaining about the opposite sex.

Ok, LADIES FIRST!lol Because you are NOTORIOUS for complaining about the guys you meet. But it's like the title says, "You Catch What You Fish For". Let me break it down for you, when you go fishing, you don't just throw your line out and whatever you catch, you catch. It doesn't work like that. FIRST you decide WHERE your going to fish, whether your going salt water fishing (Ocean), or fresh water fishing (Lake, Pond, etc). So that tells you already, WHERE YOU hang plays a part in what kind of men you meet. SECOND, the BAIT you use determines the kind of fish you’re going to catch. If you're trying to catch Salmon, you use Salmon bait; If you’re trying to catch Trout, Bass, Catfish, etc., you use the kind of bait that those individual fish are attracted to. THE POINT IS.......quit using ASSHOLE BAIT and thinking your going to catch a good man, and then getting mad at ALL MEN when you find out you caught an asshole. If you dress like a HOE, you’re going to catch a PIMP. If you wear red braids with big visible tattoos, and you smell like cigarettes....... you're going to attract a dusty dude, straight up.lol If you dress like an executive chick, the executive cat in the suit's more likely to approach you. If you dress and carry yourself like you're WIFE MATERIAL, you're going to attract a HUSBAND!!! So you have to stop acting like it's ALL ON US, and before you go out, think of where you’re going, who's going to be there, and what kind of attention you’re going to attract.

Alright now, FELLAS; since I don't have to explain fishing to you, I'm going to get straight to the point. We spend half of our time trying to attain GOLD DIGGER BAIT, and then get mad when every female you meet is a gold digger. Half of the time we are puting up a front and don't really have it like that anyway, but if you use artificial bait, your're going to catch an artificial chick. If you use MATERIAL THINGS to get her attention, don't act surprised when you find out she's materialistic!!! I have a friend who has a nice car that gets a lot of attention, and he'll say things like, "yeah I bossed up on her and she was eyeing my rims hard", or "she was jocking the whip", or "she saw the ice and she was on me", etc. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU FOOL!!! LOL. Same goes for you too, the way you dress and carry yourself determines what you catch. If you have on baggy jeans with some chucks and a big long shirt with tattoos, etc., Don’t expect to attract an executive woman that's in town on business. Just like if you’re in a suit or nice vest, you’re probably not going to attract a hood chick. and SECOND........look at WHERE you’re meeting the chick. Not saying that good women don’t go to clubs, but STOP meeting women at the clubs and being mad when she wants to go out to da clubs with her friends all da time and do her thing. She's not going just become a sit in the house type chick because she met you. That's like a chick coming up to me after a show, and we hook up, and her being mad because I go out of town to perform, or go to the studio too much.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS RAW:

   NOW BEWARE because there are some fakes out there that will put on whatever kind of front they have to in order to get what they want, but if you pay attention to their inconsistencies, they'll eventually give themselves away. For example, as much as it hurts me to say, you can meet a hoe at a Church. Now if that's an issue she's working on, that's what's up and it's between her and The Lord. BUT in some cases, it's because the hoe wants the respect that the Church girl gets, meaning the way you come at her, the way you automatically think she may be the Wife type, or sometimes you won't even curse in front of her because you don't know exactly How Christian she is.lol But the hoe will usually give herself away by trying to sell the "Church Girl" image too hard, and the way she treats people or carries herself won't match up. But she'll just always say how much she Loves going to Church.

        IN CONCLUSION though, if you're single and you're REALLY trying to find that somebody, you have to be a reflection of the caliber of person you're looking for. Treat it like a job interview; If your applying for job at McDonalds, you can go in the interview with jeans and a T-Shirt tucked in and get the job by just not saying anything TOO STUPID. But if you want a job at a job that's WORTH KEEPING, you have to get your suit and tie out with your hard bottoms and talk like you have some sense and carry yourself like you deserve to be there. So yeah, at the end of the day, "You Catch What You Fish For". I know this one was long, but hope you got something from it!!! =)

Subject: Dating, Relationships