Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Don't Hate The Mirror, It's YOUR Reflection



Yeah, you heard right. As you've probably heard me say in other sections; after a certain amount of time in a relationship, your mate becomes a reflection of you.


For example, FELLAS if your chick naggs when you go out, don't LIE about going out. That's the quick fix. But then 5 years later, you're still having the same fights everytime you want to go out with the boys. This is because instead of going through the fussing phase and making her get used to you hanging out (every now and then), you led her to believe that her man doesn't go out to clubs, bars, etc. If that's you, that's YOU and don't lie to avoid an arguement; That's WEAK. Plus, if she finds out through a friend who also happened to be at that club, that you were there; your trust is out the window AND it makes it look like you were up to somethin even if you were just having innocent fun.

And LADIES, by this time i know you're probably waiting on a ring. And if you don't get one, you complain about the man not wanting to commit. But by the time 5 years rolls around, you're cleaning, cooking, living together, having sex and the whole 9. You're pretty much doing EVERYTHING he would expect you to do as his wife, without you actually having the title. Therefore, why would he go out and spend money on a ring, only to turn around and spend more money on a wedding. There's really no upside to that, for him. The person he is in the relationship is now a reflection of the woman you've been in the relationship.

Those are just a couple of small examples. But everything you do along the course of your relationship molds the person you're with. If you cheat on your mate, and they take you back; your going to have to deal with the trust issues that YOU brought into the relationship. Don't complain and say stop bringing it up, because though I've never been cheated on (not to my knowledge), I'm sure it's not that easy. You just have to deal with it until the pain is gone. If you get caught in a lie, yes you're liable to have your phone checked while you're asleep. That doesn't make your mate jealous, thats just a reaction to something YOU did.

Naturally, people tend to blame others for everything. That's just how people work. But in a relationship, the first couple of years are spent learning each other and molding to each other. After that, chances are any problems found in your mate can PROBABLY be linked to you. It's YOUR reflection, so don't hate the mirror if you don't like what you see! =)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Jealousy, Insecurity, And Trust



Let's see, how do I start this one? Okay, a lot of the time, problems in the relationship get blamed on the other person. It's either, "She's jealous" or "He doesn't trust me" or "She is insecure", etc. While these personality traits can be a problem and should most definitely be worked on by person guilty of that behavior, once you're in love with the person, it becomes your problem too. Therefore, there are only 2 ways to address the situation. If you feel like it's too much for you to handle, you leave. If you're going to stay, you may as well embrace it, demonstrate patience, and do your best to help them work on that problem. If not for them, do it for you or there will be no peace!lol A lot of the time this means going out of your way, but it's worth it in the end.

For example, If your mate is insecure, it's easy to point that out. But as that person's partner, you should go the extra mile to make that person feel more secure. Men, compliment your woman. Not only that, but make her FEEL beautiful. Control your eyes when you're with her. She should be able to be in a room full of BEYONCE'S and KNOW that she not in competition with any of them for your attention. The more time you put into building her up and assuring her that there's no one you would rather be with, the less you will have to deal with the JEALOUSY. Plus, a confident mate makes for better sex (when your married of course,lol). I'm using women in the examples, but it goes for both males and females.

Another one is Trust. Fellas, you remember when we were in school and you had some teachers who said "you start out with an 'A' and it's up to you to keep that 'A'?" Now you remember EVERY teacher didn't run that same program. The same goes with women (or men). With some, you get to start out with their trust, and it's up to you to keep it. As long as you don't mess up, you're good. But with other female, their trust has to be earned straight out the gate and you're either up to the task or you leave if you're not trying to mess with it. Whether the trust issues stem from a past relationship, or they just come with the person, your best bet is to go out of your way to make her feel like she can trust you. First off, if your woman can't answer your phone or pick it up and look at it if she pleases, you DO NOT have any room to complain about her not trusting you. How bout the next time your phone rings, you ask her to answer it for you. Or maybe check your myspace or facebook in front of her every now and then. Be open. If that doesn't work, just do like my girl did me and prove them wrong everytime they accuse you. Once they've been wrong a million times in a row, they'll start to just shake those thoughts out of their head and ignore them like they should have done in the first place. No one like to feel stupid after making a big deal and getting all worked up over nothing.

NOW FOR THE OTHER SIDE

If you know your jealous or you know your insecure, start by first admitting it to yourself. Next, you have to communicate with your mate. Let them know your insecurities, and why it is that you have those jealous feelings. You can't just let them see the anger through your jealous reactions, because then, instead of trying to understand why you feel that way, they're going get on the defense and it will only lead to a fight. No effective communicating will get done that way.

Also, If you have trust issues, admit to yourself that you have trust issues and that everything is not actually as suspect as you think it is. You have to communicate with your mate, and let them know why you may have those trust issues. Once your blowing up at them, it's too late because rather than them trying to feel where you're coming from, they're going to blow back up at you because that's just what we do. Your going to have to learn to start taking L's. You have to pick what thought to entertain and what thoughts go in your "Trippin" box. Trust me, once you start getting past those jealous thoughts, you will cut your stress in half and you will have more peace and joy in your life.

In conclusion,when you're actually in a serious relationship, in love, or married............one person's problem becomes both of your problem and rather than just pointing out that problem, do what you can to be a part of the solution.












Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Us Men And Our Pride



Well.............once again THE FELLAS proved my point. I wrote the first blog for the fellas to peep game, and work on what they needed to work on and all I got was female responses.(shout out to the 2 1/2 guys that manned up and showed love.lol) Not complaining, because I love you ladies; BUT it shows your willingness to work on you and try to be better or to LISTEN if nothing else. While  us MEN are filled with so much pride that we are so sure we know all we need to know about women, and we don't need to listen to no other man or even female at that. Really, if a guy took the time to read your replies and comments, they would learn something solely from that. Don't get it twisted though ladies because my comments from you did decrease on that second blog when I was gettin on yall, compared to when I was gettin on the fellas.lol

Alright, NOW FOR THE TOPIC of this blog.............US MEN AND OUR PRIDE. Yeah, I can talk about it, because Pride is something I'm working on myself right now in my walk with The LORD. But I'm about to talk about it as it pertains to relationships. For 1, PRIDE and LOVE don't work together. PROOF? Half the time your PRIDE is what keeps you from admitting you love a chick in the first place. It's not easy to do, but we have shake this pride thing man. Pride will keep you from doing something for your woman that you know good and well she deserves, because you don't want to feel like your "TRICKING". First off, tricking has nothing to do with WHAT YOU DO; it's WHY YOU DO IT that makes you a trick. If you have a good woman, don't let pride keep you from buying her stuff and doing nice things for her because naturally, a good woman makes you WANT to do for her. ESPECIALLY when you know she bends over backwards for you. Even THE BIBLE says, never withhold good from someone deserving, when it's in your power to do so. And why would you? And getting rid of pride will cause you to stop worrying about what your friends will say. I mean, LET'S BE HONEST................most of the cats we surround ourselves with are playas, and deal with "HOES" on the daily. THEREFORE you take that info and you apply it to "HOES". If you take what applies to hoes, and use it toward a GOOD WOMAN, you're depreciating the value of your good one. EXAMPLE: If you start treating your Bentley like a Civic, and not taking care of it the way a Bentley's supposed to be taken care of, eventually your Bentley’s going start driving like a Civic. And your neglect for that Bentley will show both in its appearance and performance. IN OTHER WORDS, if you have a GOOD WOMAN, you start taking advice from a GOOD MAN! And any good man will tell you like I tell my friends all the time; "FORGET what me and the guys are going to think, and do you". At the end of the day you marry a woman and the 2 of you become one flesh as it says in the Bible. ONE FLESH...............that means bump your pride and what your friends say because no one will be closer to you than your WIFE. Don't get me wrong, friends are good but any man in a REAL RELATIONSHIP whether they admit it or not, knows your chick becomes your best friend. It's just a certain level of closeness a chick can get to dat a guy can't. That's just how God made it.

So here's the RECAP, let the pride go FELLAS. Yeah, THERE ARE some chicks out here that aren't about anything. But a lot of the times your chick is a reflection of you, and they just may have dealt with some guy that wasn't about anything. And you can only treat a 10 like a 7 so long, before she starts looking, feeling, and acting like a 7. Either that or she bounces because she's been treated like a 10 before and knows what she deserves. If you have a GOOD WOMAN, pride will make you NOT tell her you love her in front of certain people. Pride will make you not do things for her that you know she deserves, only because of what someone will say or think. Pride will make you not call first and apologize when you know you were dead wrong. It will cause you to lose a good thing and be too prideful to call, and/or do whatever it takes to get it back. And half the time, you do...................you just front in front of the fellas like you don't care.lol THIS IS A HARD ONE, but pride will cause you to know you had a good woman, who just made a mistake; and not take her back because of what people will think or say. Your pride will make you an 80% MAN and cause you to withhold that other 20% from your chick when you know good and well she deserves 100% from you. And if you're reading this and you think I'm on some SIMP $#@!, this whole Blog just went over your head. Either that, or IT'S JUST YOUR PRIDE SPEAKING AGAIN! =)